Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What is a life without passion?

Without love? Without hope?

Some say the heart is foolish... some warn that following your heart can be dangerous. My God says that if I delight myself in Him that He will give me the desires of my heart.. and to trust Him with all my heart. When I was young I asked Jesus to live in my heart. My heart has hurt.. and ached. My heart has loved. It has been healed and restored. My heart has raced with excitement, and beat wildly with nervousness. My heart has skipped a beat.. I’m sure of it. This heart of mine is full of desires and passion. You can give your heart? It can be said that you have no heart.. or a lot of heart?

A sappy song. People falling in love. That patriotic feeling that fills the air at a ball game as the national anthem rings. A little brother who puts his heart into everything. Those purple heart strories. happily ever after. I'm a sucker for all that.

A life without a heart would be no life at all. I dont mean that you would be dead, due to the lack of that vital organ to pump blood through your veins, but who wants to live without a feeling heart? The heart that God captures and speaks to? My mom has always been a great example of someone who lives from her heart, and she has always encouraged us kids to do so. I thank her for that. As a little girl, I was a happy little dreamer. My world was full of wonder and adventure. I was going to grow up to be a princess. Not the boring kind of princess who sits in a castle wearing a ruffled dress and sparkly shoes, mind you. I was going to be the princess who fought for love, made it through the fire swamp, and helped prince charming slay dragons... with the ruffled dress and sparkly shoes! Now I am older and more mature. I work, go to school, pay bills.. I do grown up things. The passionate, dreaming heart? That has not changed much. What was my chemistry lecture about on Monday? I have no idea. I was too busy day dreaming... and possibly sleep dreaming too.

This is when my dad would say, "Can you just get to the point? This is too long.. your losing me."

I want to live from my heart. Fully and passionately. I want to love unconditionally and be loved completely and ardently in return. I want Gods love to shine brightly through me. Adventure? Travel? Yes please! and you know what? God says yes. I love that Steven Curtis Chapman song with lines like..

Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

..And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored...
...This is what we were created for

...This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see...
...The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreams


I'm no bible scholar, and I am definitely not an example of a perfect Christian. Not at all! I do not have it all figured out. Most days I feel like I don’t have anything figured out, but I know Gods love is real. One of my recent goals is to be positive and to live in the now. School is mostly awful; I'm not a huge fan of work. Most mornings I have to drag myself out of bed with the reminder that I can get back in at the end of the day. That’s when I ask God if this is some kind of sick joke.. by "this is what you were created for" you surely did not mean THIS!? haha. I am learning to accept the fact that this is part of my adventure. Fire swamp? maybe.

P.S. I am a fan of John Eldredge. I first read Wild at Heart. Loved it. Even if you’re a girl.. worth reading!

“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot out dream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope. ”
John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God

“Worship is the act of the abandoned heart adoring its God”
John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We Always Dreamed of

“And after years of hearing the heart-cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why won't you choose Me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will . . . find me," says the Lord, "when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13). In other words, "Look for me, pursue me -- I want you to pursue me." Amazing. As Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted.”
John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul

“A mans calling is written on his true heart, and he discovers it when he enters the frontier of his deep desires.”
John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

“Whatever form each of our own intimate adventures has taken in our fantasies, or in "real life," this Sacred Romance is set within all our hearts and will not go away. It is the core of our spiritual journey. Any religion that ignores it survives only as a guilt induced legalism, a set of propositions to be memorized and rules to be obeyed.
Someone or something has romances us from the beginning with creek-side singers and pastel sunsets, with the austere majesty of snowcapped mountains and the poignant flames of autumn colors telling us of something - or someone - leaving with a promise to return. These things can, in an unguarded moment, bring us to our knees with longing for this something or someone who is lost; someone or something only our heart recognizes.”
John Eldredge

Thursday, November 8, 2012

If you like pina coladas... and getting caught in the rain!

The goal was to quit one of the jobs I have now and get a job closer to home with better pay or tips. I decided today after class, and after my chemistry test, that I would fill out applications. I left class feeling sleepy and went on to take my chem test. Then it was on to job search. A quick glance in the mirror, some burts bees chap stick to cover any potential smelly breath, and a quick prayer. Stop one went well, stop two was good, stop three looked promising. Stop 3 had fancy doors and a beautiful view. I could be a server here. The gentleman behind the bar gave me an application and suggested I come back around 1:30, ask for Leslie. I finished some homework at home and grabbed some lunch.

1:24 rolled around so I threw on a more presentable skirt and some flats. I secured the unruly fly away hairs and I was on my way. The drive was ten minutes... ten minutes. Now that beats the current 40 minute drive! A few deep breaths and another quick prayer. I held my shoulders high and went in for my 20 seconds of courage. Here I come, Leslie! After that my experience was mostly painless, enjoyable, and quick... ended with a you're hired and quick tour around the place. What? Job searching is supposed to painful and long and hopeless and draining? Not this time. I left with a smile. Thank you, Lord!

Then I got home. I cant serve.. what did I just get myself into!? I worked out as my mind raced all around (it was like the scenes in Tangled when she goes from swinging to crying). My little muscles shook as I did pilates and then I laced up my running shoes. As I walked out the door it was threatening to storm and smelled like rain, which made for another lovely run. I don't know about pina coladas, but I like getting caught in the rain. :) My body hurt, but running felt good. I had that "Ive got the world on a string" kind of feeling. In reality I'm not that great of a runner. At all. You know those people you drive past and think, "Well at least they are trying". Yeah, that's me.

Sigh

This may be a cool story bro post. Maybe I'm crazy. My thoughts are all over the place, but I'm happy. Content. Things have been lining up for me and I feel like I'm closer to my goals. I'm still getting used to this grown up life stuff and the fact that I'm going to be 21 soon is weird. But even so.. I'm excited.

I have some homework to finish tonight, and I don't even mind. I know, I know... crazy, right?

Hot chocolate. Cozy socks. Nat King Cole. Homework.

Good night, beautiful world.        

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Faith, Trust, and A Little Bit of Pixie Dust

Having two jobs and being a full time student is exhausting. I'm one strong, hardworking chick or just a mental case. I'd like to think I'm somewhere in between! When I'm falling asleep mid study or at stop lights I mostly just feel exhausted. Mix exhaustion with feeling completely overwhelmed and I become an emotional mess when someone does something as simple as eat the cookie I wanted. When I start talking to myself... that's when I'm convinced I'm mental. I can throw a real good pity party and complaining is my specialty. I've been known to skip showers for sleep. Dragging myself out of bed ten minutes before I have to leave has become a bad habit.
 
but...
 
It is still a wonderful life. Even when I feel like I'm barely holding it together. Just when I'm ready to throw in the towel and walk away something tenderly encourages and reminds me to wait. Be patient. Trust me. Bridget, look how much I love you. Let me lead this dance. My heart agrees and I take another step. My God is real.   
 
Faith, trust.. pixie dust? 
The pixie dust is all the wonderful and magical things in life. These are the silly things, the little things. The things that make me want to dance and fly. Something as little as bendy straws or pumpkin chocolate chip cookies in the fall. Maybe a beautiful moon. Or maybe, the complete and utterly foolish feelings someone can make you feel... the love for a spunky little girl named after you, or the butterflies and longing for someone so special.
 
I am blessed.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

The New and Exciting


Today seemed like a blogging day, but I had no blog for bloggings. So here I am... to share my jumbled thoughts. Does that make me a blogger? Let me just say that blog is a funny word. The more I type it and say, the more funny it becomes. blog.

yes, so here is my blog for blogging.